Inspirational

This week we had the opportunity to head to Nauvoo to see the Pageant. I'm not gonna lie. When I first heard about the pageant in my teen years, I thought it was a beauty pageant-haha. Don't laugh at me. I'm still a little kid when it comes to church history and the gospel. Spencer has to constantly be teaching me new stuff (and the stuff I constantly forget).
I mainly wanted to go because I have never been and Spencer kept telling me it was boring. I just wanted to see for myself (HEY- someone tells me there's wet paint...I gotta touch it to make sure).

The day was so sunny and muggy. It was horrible. We were all so sticky and so tired from the sun- and it was already past 4pm...the sun was on its way down. Can't imagine what it was like before then. We walked around Main Street and whatnot. Saw the temple and took some pics there. Then that same night, we had some dinner (what is up with all the buffets?....that's all there is!) and headed to the grounds to go see the Pageant.
There were sooooo many people there. And people from Chandler, AZ and Seattle, WA and Orlando, FL....and here we were from St. Louis...how boring....only a 3hr drive.
People were so friendly ...and you think...oh well they had to be (that's what Spencer kept saying)...but honestly these people were not getting paid to be here. It was somewhat different. It wasn't like in Disneyland where you have people that get paid to greet you as characters. This is something they WANTED to do and believed in. And they kept telling us "oh you'll find the spirit everywhere around here". I don't want to be a partypooper here but I didn't feel anything. I felt so bad. I felt like a bad person and maybe I didn't belong here.

As the play started and eventually ended....I had a feeling that I had not had in a long time. I believe it was the spirit. How long has it been since I've felt it! The past 6 months, I have been miserable...thinking about how different my life is from what it could have been. When I received my blessing at 16, I was concerned. It said something like "prepare yourself, for you will be a mother".....how awful I thought! I'm not being asked....I'm being told. When I finally became a mother, I thought "well maybe I'll feel better as he grows up". Sad to say, that I was still sad and angry and lots of other negative emotions, but I still loved him. It was just a hard adjustment for me. I would get mad for any little thing my husband did wrong, and I hated myself for it, but I couldn't control it. The baby crying was like nails on the chalkboard for me. Everything sucked in life. Nothing seemed worth it. It just wasn't what I thought was going to be like.

 I NEEDED THIS TRIP. I needed to get out of the house and just see something new. Have a life changing experience....sort of. I'm glad I did. I got a new perspective on life. I just needed to hear people's stories....the right people. We talked to several people about life and kids...and how right they were...why was I so negative? My testimony has grown in the past two days. And I'm glad I am able to see it different now. I think I'll be okay now.

Spencer even said that he liked it this time .He said it was different going with his own family and now that he is older. I'm glad I was prompted to go. Heavenly Father knows what we need in life, even if we don't agree. There's a reason for me being here....now. I knew this all along...I just forgot.

                                        Spencer always jokes about how I need one of these.

                      It's really nice and inspirational to see the temple light up right after the Pageant.

 This was the gun shop and Dom fell asleep.What's the point of having a baby carrier if the baby won't sleep in it????         You can kinda see the temple in the background.

                                    This is how cranky he was before he fell asleep at the gun house.