Sigh of Relief

As I start taking out my winter clothes out of storage, I begin to look at these clothes with new light.
I gave birth almost a year ago (in December) and by this time last year, I was unable to wear anything winter-ish that I owned. The only thing that fit was my winter coat, and quite honestly, I was so hot anyways, that I hardly needed it. At the same time, I was sad. Sad that I would not wear any of these clothes anytime soon...or maybe...EVER.
Now, I will never post pics of this, but take my word for it...I was a very big FAT pregnant lady. And once I left the hospital with a baby I was even bigger. All those gallons of IV fluid that they gave me totally blow me up. So while most girls loose a bit of weight as they head home...my shoes barely fit...actually they did not even close. I was so upset, but this was not the time to be selfish...a little baby needed me.
I pretty much put myself in the back burner for about 6 months. I started to walk a bit, but by no means... truly exercise. It was just an outlet to get out of the house. I had to take the baby with me everywhere, so that quickly got boring. It was a lot easier to just not eat (or watch what I ate)...than it was to exercise.
Yesterday as I unpacked all those clothes, I decided to try some of them on once again. Preparing myself to be disapointed...the reaction was quite the opposite...I was surprised that all of them fit, including the tights. It's amazing how your body can totally take on so much weight on such a little amount of time and eventually just get rid of it all over again. This is a sigh of relief because I truly thought I was going to be bigger for the rest of my life. It took me a bit longer than I thought, but I am there. I have been avoiding the mirror for so long, that I finally decided to truly look at myself...I still I'm not happy with what I see...but I'm getting there. In my mind, I still want to look the same as I did when I got married....whether that's even possible...I'm not even sure. But that's what I want.
Either way, this is a huge step for me because I have dealt with self-esteem issues all my life, and had no idea that getting pregnant would make it so much worse. You can try to hide from everyone all you want, but you will never be able to hide from yourself.
I feel so much happier than I havebeen  in a VERY long time. I think my hubs even sees it, and that makes me even happier.
so today...I give a sigh of relief...that finally things are starting to look up for me.